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Archive for November, 2021

Too Long Away

I’ve been away from this blog for too long. I have dozens of drafts that haven’t been published but it’s time, no it’s beyond time, to let my words escape back into the world. I’m not a good judge, so I will let others judge me if they so choose.

This time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is bittersweet. It’s happy and hopeful, sad and sorrowful.

I’ve always loved Christmas. It’s a time of hope, of peace, of love. And for a while, a time of pain and despair. We put up the tree today. It’s in the corner, as if it’s being hugged by the window and walls. Little white fairly lights sparkle throughout it’s branches. Outside, traces of snow grace the grass, glowing softly under the remains of the moon. More will come, and soon, but for tonight it is only a promise. As the tree is a promise of brightness and joy.

If you’ve read my blog before you know that I’ve had great joy, and great sorrow. I’ve fought hard for life, despairing many days that there was any life worth living anymore. I was fortunate, no, I was blessed, to find someone who convinced me that life was worth living, that I was worth loving, who understood my sorrow as he had his own to mourn. Together we have built a home and a life in a place that we both love.

This year is once again a different holiday season. I lost my hero, my dad, two years ago, my mother last January. My siblings have kicked me out of the family for trying to do what my father taught me to do. So for the first time in my life, I have no birth family left. I won’t pretend that it hasn’t hurt. They aren’t gone because they died. They’re gone because they chose to leave me. I’ve spent my time crying. But I have a family of love and choice. I have those who want me for who I am, for what I am. No blood sister and brother, but those of my heart. A gentle man who holds me close, as I hold him. Friends who value me.

I will continue to build, a family, a life, a home. And I will continue to write, to publish, to release my words to the universe for the world to judge. I won’t hold them in anymore. Maybe something I write will strike a cord with someone, inspire, soothe, entertain. For better or for worse, I’m back at the keyboard.

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