I’m sitting in the Alaska Airlines lounge at the Seattle airport, watching the planes land and take off. We have a couple hours to wait until our connecting flight to San Francisco, where we’ll spend the night before getting on a ship and heading to Hawaii. 4 days uninterrupted by email, voice mail or phone calls. Just the ocean, good friends, books and fun.
It’s a grey morning in Seattle, but isn’t it usually? The sun seems to be trying to fight its way through the clouds, so it may end up being a sunny day. The view outside reflects how I feel inside today.
5 years ago today was the worst day of my life. It was the day I walked into the garage and found Tim, lifeless with a gunshot wound to the head. My world shattered that day. It has taken a tremendous effort to rebuild it. There are those who try to destroy that peace. And there are those who help me preserve it. Most days, it’s a small ache in the back of my heart. It’s seeing his picture and smiling, because I remember the joy he brought to my life. Sometimes it’s a curse and a thrown rock in the woods because I still don’t understand why he did it. Some days it feels like it happened a very long time ago, and some days it feels like it happened yesterday. Time is funny like that.
In the last 5 years, I’ve found that the best way to move through this day, is to keep busy. Traveling is the absolute best. Being with my husband Bill, who helped me want to stay in this world, makes me want to fight those grey clouds away. I will let the grey sit for a little while yet, but then the sunshine of love, friends, travel and adventure will fight it’s way through.
As my son told me this morning, “watch out for pirates Mom…arrhhhh”, and I heard Tim laugh.
Daydreams of the Soul 